In the Bible study I am a part of, the author emphasized the need to be honest with God. In many of David’s psalms he pours out his heart in frustration to the Lord. Somehow it gave me courage to do the same when Covid attacked one of my family and I faced the very real possibility I might lose a loved one. I know fear is a sin and not of God, but I cried out to Him with tears, hysterical and overwhelmed with doubt and unbelief. Why would he allow Covid to attack my family when every day I covered them with the blood of Jesus and declared in unwavering faith according to Psalm 91that “no plague would come near their dwelling?”
I too railed out my panic-driven frustrations, reminding God I had asked in faith and truly believed His promise to protect them. Instead of being weary of my rant, He drew close, and a great peace overcame me. I felt God’s presence in a tangible way. I still didn’t understand. Had my dear one opened a door to the evil one who waits to undue us? Why had this happened? But the “whys” faded as His love surrounded me and comforted me. I knew no matter what came to be, He is God and will always be there for me. A knowing He was pleased with my daring to be honest with Him engulfed me. To trust Him with the reality I’d tried to cover with faith declarations alone, pleased Him and opened a deeper door to the intimacy I hunger for. I became aware of a new dimension of His love that I had yet to uncover. Like David, at the end of the Psalm, I joyfully proclaimed God is faithful and trust and hope was restored.
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage, do not be afraid, nor be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1: 9 NKJV